Lessons from Gabor Maté: Trauma, Boundaries, and the Mind-Body Connection

Attending a face-to-face presentation by Gabor Maté was both enlightening and deeply personal for me. Living with five autoimmune conditions, his words resonated in a way that was both intellectually stimulating and emotionally confronting. His insights into trauma, boundaries, and the mind-body connection illuminated why our health is so deeply intertwined with our emotional and psychological experiences.

Brains Are Wired for Anger - And That’s a Good Thing

One of the most striking takeaways from his talk was the idea that our brains are wired for anger. It’s not just an impulsive emotion; it serves as a vital boundary defence mechanism. When we feel anger, it’s often a signal that something is threatening our sense of self or violating our boundaries. Instead of suppressing it, we should acknowledge and understand its role.

For those of us with autoimmune conditions, this insight is particularly relevant. Many of us were conditioned to be agreeable, to keep the peace, and to prioritise others’ needs over our own. Over time, suppressing our natural emotional responses - especially anger - can manifest physically. The body, unable to release this tension, may turn against itself, which is a hallmark of autoimmune disease.

The Mind and Body Were Never Separate

Maté echoed a truth that philosophers and scientists have known for millennia: the mind and body are inextricably linked. Over 2,400 years ago, Socrates observed that one of the biggest issues with medicine was its tendency to separate the mind from the body. Fast forward to 1872, and Darwin himself was discussing how emotions impact our health - especially how stress and heartbreak affect the heart.

Modern medicine, despite all its advances, still struggles with this concept. Too often, symptoms are treated in isolation, while the emotional and psychological roots of illness are ignored. Maté’s work reinforces that healing requires looking at ourselves as whole beings - not just as a collection of symptoms that need to be managed.

Listen with Your Heart, Guts, and Brain

One of Maté’s most powerful messages was the importance of listening - not just with our intellect, but with our whole selves. This means tuning into our intuition, our bodily sensations, and our emotions. It’s about understanding that the body often knows what the mind is reluctant to acknowledge.

For those of us dealing with chronic illness, this is an invitation to practise self-awareness and self-compassion. How often do we push through exhaustion, silence discomfort, or ignore gut feelings because we don’t want to inconvenience others? Our bodies are constantly communicating with us - we just need to listen.

The Cost of People-Pleasing and Autoimmune Disease

Maté also spoke about the cost of being afraid to disappoint people. Many individuals with autoimmune conditions share a common personality trait: a deep-rooted tendency to be overly accommodating. From childhood, we learn that love and acceptance are conditional on meeting others’ expectations. Over time, this pattern of self-denial erodes our well-being, contributing to chronic stress, inflammation, and ultimately, disease.

Healing, then, is not just about medication or dietary changes. It’s about unlearning the belief that our worth is tied to how much we do for others. It’s about reclaiming our right to set boundaries, express anger when necessary, and prioritise our own needs.

What Teachers and Leaders Can Learn from This

Educators and leaders have a significant role in shaping environments that either support or suppress emotional well-being. By applying Maté’s lessons, they can:

• Foster emotional literacy
  Encourage students and team members to recognise and express emotions healthily, including anger as a protective response rather than something to be feared or suppressed.

• Model boundary-setting
  Demonstrate and reinforce the importance of personal and professional boundaries to prevent burnout and promote self-respect.

• Prioritise holistic well-being
  Recognise the deep connection between stress, emotional suppression, and physical health, ensuring that policies and workplace/school cultures do not prioritise performance at the expense of well-being.

• Encourage self-awareness
  Support reflection and self-check-ins, helping individuals to listen to their bodies and emotions before stress manifests as illness.

• Create psychologically safe spaces
  Build environments where people feel safe to express their needs without fear of judgment or rejection.

Maté’s presentation hit a lot of nerves for me - both figuratively and literally. His insights reinforced what my body has been trying to tell me for years: that healing isn’t just about suppressing symptoms. It’s about understanding the root causes of our suffering and learning to care for ourselves as whole, integrated beings.

If you, like me, have been conditioned to ignore your own needs in favour of pleasing others, it’s time to rewrite that narrative. Listen to your body, honour your emotions, and don’t be afraid to disappoint people. Your health - your very life - depends on it.