Moving from emotion to logic: How to interrogate the feedback without gaslighting yourself.

Once the initial RSD wave subsides (usually after a good sleep or a long walk), we have to put our ‘Detective Hats’ on. RSD tells us a lie: it tells us that everyone was unhappy, the material is dangerous, and the whole session was a disaster.

Logic - and data - tells us the truth.

Quantifying the Feedback

In my recent experience, I received feedback that my content was ‘inconsistent with evidence-informed practice.’ My immediate reaction was panic. Have I been getting it wrong this whole time? But then I looked at the numbers.

• The Denominator: I have presented to over 4,000 people this year.

• The Numerator: This is the first time this specific feedback has arisen.

In my response to the client, I specifically asked: "Could you please provide numbers or a percentage regarding how many staff were concerned?"

This isn't about being defensive or dismissing the one person who was upset; it's about calibration.

If 50% of the room was triggered, I have a systemic failure in my material.

If 0.02% of my audience (1 person out of 4,000) was triggered, I need to look at reasonable accommodations for that individual, not a structural overhaul of my entire business.

Checking Your Receipts (The QA Process)

When imposter syndrome kicks in, you need to look at your evidence. I had to remind myself (and the client) that my work isn't just a stream of consciousness. It is:

• QA’d by disability networks.

• Peer-reviewed by neurodivergent peers.

• Reviewed by a PhD student specialising in Trauma-Informed Practice.

Balancing the Narrative

Our brains are velcro for negative feedback and Teflon for positive feedback. I had to consciously retrieve the memory of ‘Bob’, another attendee in that same workshop:

• During the break, ‘Bob’ told me the session was fascinating.

• Other attendees stayed back to ask how to enroll in further training.

If I only listen to the email I received, ‘Bob’s’ experience ceases to exist. But their experience is just as real as the person who was upset.

Feedback is a Gift (But You Can Check The Returns Policy)

We often hear ‘feedback is a gift.’

I like to think of it like a sweater given to you by a well-meaning relative.

• Sometimes it’s a perfect fit. (Valid feedback: "You forgot to announce the breaks."
  -> I will wear this. I have already updated my slides to visually include break times so this won't happen again.)

• Sometimes it’s the wrong size. (Subjective feedback: "I didn't like your examples."
  -> Thank you, but this doesn't fit the learning outcomes I need to achieve for the majority of the room.)

Takeaway

You are allowed to contextualise the negative feedback against the mountain of positive feedback you have received.

One voice does not invalidate the other 3,999.

For more information, contact Brooke on [email protected].