Why being 'Trauma-Informed' doesn't mean 'Comfortable,' and how to move forward.

The hardest part of doing work in the Neurodiversity and DEI space is accepting that you cannot save everyone. The feedback I received mentioned that aspects of my workshop were ‘inconsistent with disability-aware framing.’

This hurt me deeply because this is my life's work.

However, as I processed this, I realised we need to have a difficult conversation about the difference between Safety and Comfort.

The Paradox of Diverse Lived Experiences

In the workshop, I used a specific analogy regarding accommodations for client-facing roles who want to work from home: "You cannot be a surgeon if you don't want to see blood."

For some leaders, this is a clear, helpful boundary regarding essential role requirements vs. preferences. For others, it might feel blunt or confronting.

With over 400 diagnostic labels in the DSM, it is statistically impossible to predict every trigger for every human being. What empowers one autistic person might trigger another.

Accept, Reject, Adapt

In my workshops, I highlight a slide where I distinguish:

Professional Learning vs. Professional Development.

I encourage leaders to ‘accept, reject, or adapt’ my content and to always talk with the ND employee about what works for them.

This applies to us receiving feedback, too.

• Growth - I accepted the feedback about the breaks. That was a logistics error on my part, and I fixed it.

• Nuance - I stood my ground on the ‘impact of examples.’ There is a fine line between using examples that support a change in practice and avoiding upset. If we sanitise training to the point where no one feels anything, no one learns anything.

The 'Satisfactory-Satisfactory' Goal

We often aim for ‘Win-Win’ in accommodations. But in the real world of conflicting access needs (e.g., one staff member needs bright light to focus, another needs low light to avoid migraines), ‘Win-Win’ is a myth.

My goal is ‘Satisfactory-Satisfactory.’ It’s about finding a middle ground where everyone can function, even if it’s not their dream scenario.

Or sometimes it is ‘Tolerate-Tolerate’...

Moving Forward

We move forward by caring deeply about the people involved and checking for what support they need but refusing to let RSD stop us from doing the work.

I am updating my slides to prevent logistical issues, but I am keeping the challenging content that drives real leadership change.

Takeaway

You can be an empathetic, trauma-informed leader and still upset someone.

It doesn't mean you failed.

It means you are dealing with complex humans with complex histories.

Take the lesson, leave the shame, and keep teaching.

For more information, contact Brooke on [email protected].